We may think of ourselves as either “assertive” or “not assertive,” but this rarely captures the full picture. In actuality, we often dance along the spectrum of assertiveness – sometimes more skillfully, sometimes less – from situation to situation. Wherever you find yourself, you are welcome here, and…

If life experiences have led you to suppress expressing yourself – your opinions, desires, needs, goals, and emotions – this workshop is for you.   

If you have trouble pausing before offering a response and sometimes feel shame or guilt afterward, this workshop is for you. 

If you have overextended yourself in hopes of avoiding confrontation or have felt crushed when conflict or criticism inevitably arises, this workshop is for you. 

If you get easily worked up in conversation with people and want to learn how to more skillfully deliver your messages, this workshop is for you. 

If you’d like to join a welcoming and curious community of folks working together to show up fully as themselves – flaws and all – this workshop is for you. 

Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. 

“Knowing” how to practice assertiveness is only one piece of the puzzle... 

It is often our fears and beliefs that hold us back from practicing assertiveness. We protect ourselves in the best way we know how – perhaps we make ourselves small, pretend to be “fine” instead of expressing our anger, or we inflate ourselves, setting hard and fast rules. 

This workshop is an opportunity to reconnect with yourself and others. It is also an opportunity to express yourself, and practice being present with what shows up. Together we will learn practices that help us be with difficult feelings, beliefs, and memories that sometimes block us from practicing assertiveness. We will explore our motivations for this practice, celebrate and encourage one another, and cultivate compassion for our experiences.

About the approach: 

In this workshop, you will experience practices inspired by Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Both approaches are rooted in ideas of collaboration, compassion, and value-driven action, and they allow for the work of the relation to others and ourselves. The workshop will be highly experiential and provide practical self-practice strategies. You will be guided to gently ease into the practices.

About the content: 

We will spend four Thursdays together starting on January 26th and ending on February 16th. Our sessions will be held from 5:30-7:30 PM (Pacific Time), and you will get a recording of each session. So, no worries if you need to miss a session! 

In Session 1, we will explore two questions: “What does it mean to practice assertiveness?” and “What informs / inspires / guides my practice of assertiveness?” Together, we will dive into these questions by…

• Learning a weekly grounding practice 

• Discussing four communication styles and how they show up in your relationships 

• Getting curious about what shapes your ideas about assertiveness 

• Doing an experiential exercise to uncover what’s important to you 

In Session 2, we will be guided by the questions: “What are my fears and blocks to practicing assertiveness” and “How can I support myself in this practice?” We will get curious about these questions by…

• Applying a weekly grounding practice 

• Identifying common blocks & reflecting on your own experiences 

• Practicing role-play exercises with peers 

• Doing a compassionate imagery exercise to cultivate safeness & connection 

In Session 3, we will root ourselves in the questions: “What sticky spots are showing up for me?” and “What can I and others gain from my practice?” We will seek answers to these questions by… 

• Applying a weekly grounding practice 

• Examining our beliefs / values / emotions in relation to assertiveness 

• Practicing role-play exercises with peers 

• Doing a compassion-based guided meditation 

In Session 4, we will conclude with the questions: “How will I continue my assertiveness practice?” and “What have I gained from this step in my journey?” We will explore these questions by… 

• Applying a weekly grounding practice 

• Reflecting on insights and experiences you’ve had

• Creating a plan rooted in your values

• Doing a guided mantra and flowing compassion exercise 

In addition to our weekly sessions, you will also receive access to take-home resources, like…

• Example scripts 

• Audio recordings of guided meditations & grounding exercises 

• Journal prompts to foster insight & reflection 

• Short guides to practicing assertiveness 

About the facilitator:

Rea Pareja (she/they), ASW, has a Master’s degree in Social Work, and she is a researcher and fellow assertiveness practitioner. She is passionate about supporting people as they heal, reconnect to themselves, and take steps to live a rich and meaningful life. Rea’s approach is informed by Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and trauma-informed care. They expressly welcome folks of all sexualities, genders, body sizes, abilities, and races. If you have any questions about the workshop or simply want to connect, please reach out to [email protected] or you can learn more about her at the San Francisco Center for Compassion-Focused Therapies.